Breaking: Body Armor Manufacturers Benefitting From Recalls

"Alfalfa" (alfalfa-romeo) 10/22/2014 at 11:04 • Filed to: None

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When Suzy Q heard that her Chevy Cobalt had a possibly fatal ignition switch issue, she decided that she was done with shoddy GM engineering. Like many Americans, she said she would take the safe route from now on and only buy from our trusted Japanese automakers.

Mrs. Q thought that her used '05 Civic was a practical, reliable, and most importantly, safe decision. Little did she know that her trusted Honda could still kill her, until she received a recall notice in the mail. It informed her that the airbags in her vehicle could assassinate her and make it look like an accident ( !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ).

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"I was just done with recalls" said Suzy, "I don't even have time to take my car in for an oil change, much less a recall service. That's why I bought a Civic in the first place!"

Suzy in her anti-Takata body armor

The betrayed consumer took matters into her own hands and bought a bulletproof vest from Takatarmour.com, an online company that has been profiting from the recent airbag revelation.

"We used to be called Jed's Armor Emporium , and we mostly sold to paranoid doomsday preppers." Says Jed McDonnell, founder and CEO of Takatarmour. "The new airbag recall had opened up a new market for us, and it has been working out very well for our business."

When asked about other expansions, Jed was very optimistic; "We're looking into full face protection as well, it's also a great concern among our customers, and we want to get it out to them as soon as possible."

GhostZ > Alfalfa 10/22/2014 at 11:12

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People will go amazing lengths to justify posting a picture of Xena.

Alfalfa > GhostZ 10/22/2014 at 11:14

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The funny thing is, I was originally just looking for a generic woman-fitting-armor pic. Then Xena popped up in the results, and I just had to do it.

McMike > Alfalfa 10/22/2014 at 11:15

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Brilliant.

T5Killer > Alfalfa 10/22/2014 at 12:08

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I always giggle a little bit when TV shows or Movies have "OMG BODY ARMOR" plate carriers without SAPI plates in it.